No love whatsoever, no matter how true and deep it is, can be compared to the love God has for us. That feeling can not be replaced by anybody, irrespective of how much we/they try. This has been my situation for a while.

I have had the feeling of emptiness somewhere inside me, I always felt there was something missing on the inside. I was just living each day as it came, with no excitement for the next. I felt I was wasting away.

I was lucky to be surrounded by people who I was/am sure really loved me, they kept reminding me of how beautiful I was and the amazing things I was doing. I am sincerely grateful for them.

At the beginning of this, I thought it was because of my mom I was feeling like that. It just dawned on me one morning that it wasn’t just because of that, it was because I had consciously made myself believe God doesn’t love me anymore.

We all relate to God on different levels. You might relate more to him as God the Provider than God the protector, because when you had no one else to turn to in time of need, he just shows up. Some other person can relate to him as God the healer because he healed him when the doctors had given up on him.

I knew God as my lover really early. I did not know when I realized this exactly, but I felt God loved me deeply and didn’t joke with me. I felt everything good came to me because God loved me, probably more than any other person.

If I couldn’t boast of anything, I could boast of God’s love anytime anyday. You know just the way you treat your lover differently from any other person and they could just approach you easily, that was how I felt with God. I asked him for the most random things, and he did them.

I was content.

Then my mum died.

I was shocked that God could do that to me. Sincerely, he tried to prepare me for it, but I didn’t want it to happen, so I ignored it. You know the feeling when your partner does something that shocks you, and you are just wondering why and how they could do that.

I felt like God just didn’t cheat me, he cheated on me by letting my mummy die. I knew God was still God after then, but I just saw him as the Almighty God after then. And that was not how I came to know God.

With time, I drifted away. Far away. My subconscious just wanted to cheat back on the Lord, by not giving him back attention. Thinking about it now, I was so stupid.

I mostly felt like an outsider when we do the things of God. I prayed only a few times because I was supposed to, not because I enjoyed it.

It got to a point I started seeking this kind of love from other people, but because God has not given anyone the capacity to love us the way he can, I couldn’t help but feel empty. I am just so grateful for the person God put me in my corner during these times, it would have been worse.

I went for this hangout with my sisters, and the lord had a message for me there. Check carefully in the picture below, the words are in the caption too.

I am your first love, nobody else can love you like I do.

I was elated, I felt like a new girlfriend of the Lord. I am grateful that he overlooked my foolishness, and reconfirmed his love for me. I have been wanting to come back, but I didn’t know how.

I am writing this post for people like me who doubted who God was to us due to some certain reasons/problems. Don’t let the devil cheat you anymore. He can take anything from you, but don’t let him take your relationship with God.

That will hurt you more than anything, especially when you have a good relationship with God before.

If you get to this point of the post, thank you for reading. Please don’t forget to drop your comments, I look forward to reading them.


My name is Oso Ayomide Susan, you can just call me Susanspecs!!!.


  1. Reply


    June 14, 2019

    Songs of Solomon 1:2

  2. Reply

    Ojetola Olaniyi

    June 15, 2019

    This is indeed catchy and realistic…. He will forever be your all in all….

  3. Reply


    June 15, 2019

    Okay this hit me on a few nodes, on different sides. All I can feel is this ripple effect

  4. Reply


    June 15, 2019

    What an awesome post.

  5. Reply

    Ozioma Paul

    June 17, 2019

    Whao… Susan.. this is amazing. I felt this story deep down and I could relate and I’m thankful for you – It’s amazing how God doesn’t ever give up on us regardless of how much silent treatment we give Him and all that. He’s always always willing to receive us back and that is the best thing everrr. Thanks for sharing this Susan 💜

  6. Reply


    June 17, 2019

    Thank you so much for sharing this, Mide. Struck a chord.

  7. Reply

    Olabintan Odunola

    June 20, 2019

    This is really heartfelt and a great reminder!

    Thank you for sharing Specs!

  8. Reply

    Olabintan Odunola

    June 20, 2019

    And I am so sorry for your loss!

    May her soul continue to rest at God’s bosom!

    You’re loved!

  9. Reply


    June 23, 2019

    I understand this perfectly❤❤

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.